sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
