There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
