and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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