It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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