Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
