So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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