is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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