if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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