Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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