I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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