What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
