Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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