hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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