what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
