when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
