He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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