my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
