JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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