at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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