you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
