I faked an abortion last night.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
