remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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