Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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