I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
