I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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