Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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