I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
