You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
