so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
