TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
