You're completely useless in the revolution.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
