my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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