if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
