So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
