Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
