Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
