i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
