Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
