True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
