Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
