somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
false alarm. still invincible.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
