farters have to be the big spoon...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
