I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
