i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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