I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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