I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
