Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
