Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
vagina is talking i cant
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
