hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
