xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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