i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
