Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
